it hurts more in the daytime
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
