Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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