no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
