It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
