just survived the first fart of the relationship.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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