OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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