# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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