so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
