I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
