No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
