Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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