I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
