your thong is hanging out like whoa
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
