Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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