My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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