I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
