i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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