Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
