We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
