There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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