we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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