I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
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I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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