Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
