I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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