while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm both gender and math confused
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
