Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
