dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
