It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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