Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
