dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The uberlube is also flammable
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
