My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
