I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
