you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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