he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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