so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
