If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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