At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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