did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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