She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
