Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
