One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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