Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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