My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
