Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My cat gives me a boner
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
