I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
