great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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