Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
