My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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