Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
