Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
