Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
