If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
