I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
