So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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