its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
