How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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