So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
