I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
