"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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