So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
