There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I want a musical about memes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Shame is for Republicans.
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