Just cropdusted the office
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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