I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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