Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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