Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
