I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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