don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
