My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
