I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
