I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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