Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
