At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
