i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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