How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
