Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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