I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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