Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
