I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
