i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
