So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
