I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
