He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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