ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
