Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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