dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
