i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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