i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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