YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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