My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize