i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
