She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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