I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
