Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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