I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
