I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
