she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
