Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
