I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
