I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
